Is Your Relationship Falling Apart?
When your relationship started, you knew "happily ever after" was just for fairy tales. Nobody has a perfect marriage - but you figured you would find a way to make it work.
Then, the arguments started. You started to wonder how you could care about someone so much, and yet feel so frustrated and misunderstood.
You're walking on eggshells the minute your feet touch the floor. Trying to avoid starting an argument or triggering a negative spiral with your spouse that you can't snap out of.
It scares you, how easily your partner can shut you out.
Or maybe you are the one doing the shutting down, just to numb the pain.
What happened to all the love and intimacy you once had?
You're looking for better communication. And much more than that, you're hoping to rebuild the connection with one another- and maybe make it better than ever.
Can Counseling Even Help Repair This Relationship?
After months or years of conflict, it can be easy to question whether things can ever get better. You've already tried the obvious solutions, so how is a total stranger going to be able to help? Maybe you've also heard stories about how counseling seemed to make a relationship worse. This can be a terrifying thought, especially if you've become used to your cycle, hard as it is.
The good thing is, if you and your spouse are committed to making things better, by reading this far you are already on your way to having a better marriage.
Don't give up yet - counseling can help.
How Does Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Work?
I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) in my work with couples. This model is based on attachment theory, which says that even as adults, we are emotionally dependent and responsive to our partners - much as a child is dependent on a parent for comfort and protection. EFT has been highly researched and shown to be effective for about 70-90% of couples. (If you want to learn more about what EFT is and its research, see this website: https://iceeft.com/what-is-eft/)
Using EFT, I have coached couples just like you to repair the distance between them, fight better, and listen so that each partner feels truly understood. Some of these couples have questioned the future of their relationship, and were ultimately able to reconcile and now have a relationship that is better than ever. I love watching this process unfold each time, and celebrating with each couple when they experience moments of connection that are deeper than they've ever felt before.
What To Do Next:
1. Contact me and request an appointment. We will chat on the phone for about 15 minutes so I can answer any questions you have about counseling, and I will ask you about what you are looking for in couples counseling. From there, if we decide to move forward, we will schedule our first full appointment together.
2. Weekly sessions. During sessions, we will talk about the interactions you have together, what keeps you stuck in those patterns, and find new ways to interact so that you don't continue to be stuck. I will help you talk to each other in a way that promotes closeness and intimacy, rather than frustration or fear. You both will be able to share about what's bothering you in a safe, comfortable environment, where neither of you feel blamed for your problems.
3. Notice how your relationship is changing. As you and your partner make changes to how you connect and interact in session, you will feel closer and your communication will be clearer. Since we are focusing on the patterns of interactions, rather than problem solving, these changes will be authentic. I don’t want you to feel you have to “work harder” or change who you are. Not adding what you need to do to a “checklist”. Instead, you will be able to be more true to who you are with each other. This will help you communicate about problems more clearly and improve the connection you have.